Guide for single expats during a pandemic

There has been a lot of talk of self-isolation and things you can do while you’re isolated to stay sane and productive, in work and life in general. Most of the content out there seems to be focusing on how to make it through a workday full of virtual meetings while sharing the space with a partner and/or kids. What about having too much space for yourself and yourself only? You might wonder if that’s even a thing and why anyone would complain about it.

There are numerous people who live abroad in this day and age, and many of them don’t have partners and/or kids, roommates or neighbours, to share their time and space with. I am one of them and know how difficult situations like these can be. So to support the expat community during this difficult time, I decided to write a guide for single expats during a pandemic lockdown.

To begin with, let’s face the fact that living as an expat can easily feel lonesome. Depending on the city you live in, the ability to fit into a new culture and community can take a lot of effort. Even after almost three years of living in Toronto, which is said to be one of the most culturally diverse cities in the world, I still don’t always feel like I belong. (More on that in another post.)

To define “belonging,” I think of it as a feeling of being part of a group of local people with shared values and interests that one can rely on and turn to for support in the times of crisis, as well as to celebrate success in the times of abundance. It would fall under the InterNations “Ease of Settling In” Index category, which explains what the ease of settling in entails: feeling at home, friendliness, finding friends, and language.

In case you feel like me at times — like you don’t belong — living through a pandemic can amplify the isolation that nowadays everyone seems to be experiencing. I would lie if I said that I didn’t wish to have my family and a tight circle of friends close to me physically, even if we couldn’t see each other in person. Knowing that people important to us are close by creates a sense of emotional and physical safety that no virtual meeting app can replace.

So with no family, partner, or group of friends that are in our proximity, how do we cope?

In this guide, you’ll find some ideas that might make your life as a single expat during a pandemic a bit easier:

1. Call your family on a daily basis 

It goes without saying that family can provide the biggest emotional support during difficult times. Regardless of the sort of relationship you have with your family, checking on them to see how they’re doing and showing them that you’re alive and well will give both of you some peace of mind. And if you’re not doing so well emotionally, talking it over with family can make the strong feelings of loneliness a little milder.

In the last couple of weeks I went from talking to my parents on a bi-weekly basis to talking to them every couple days, to talking every single day, especially after an earthquake hit Zagreb in the middle of the pandemic. With my parents in Zagreb and my sister in Tokyo, I have to time our conversations well, however staying in all the time helps with that.

2. Keep in touch with your local friends and community (if you have one)

Even if you feel like you don’t belong, there is a likelihood that you have some friends in the place where you live. Talk to those friends. Connect with that community. You’re all in the same boat and can support each other as no one else can, by either buying groceries for one another, walking each other’s dogs, or sharing the last roll of toilet paper (hopefully it never comes to that).

I am very grateful for the friends in Toronto that check up on me to see how I’m doing and if I want to talk to someone. It makes me feel like I maybe do belong here after all!

3. Keep in touch with your remote friends

This time provides for a great opportunity to check in with friends who you might not have talked to in a while. We all get caught up in the everyday race to get things done and sometimes neglect important relationships with people who are not nearby. Think of this time as a reminder to water the long-distance friendships you haven’t nurtured in a while. I’ve been really appreciative of friends who live in places where I used to live getting in touch with me during this time. Knowing that all of us, no matter where in the world we are, are dealing with the same stuff is a good bonding experience on its own.

4. Expand on your conversation topics

It’s important to check on our loved ones and make sure that they’re okay. It’s also important to remind ourselves that the pandemic is not the only thing taking place in the world right now. There are so many other things to talk about.

My family has a tendency to go deep into philosophical analyses of everything and anything, which usually provides for enough juicy content for a quality conversation. For example, today I talked to my dad about gentrification since he’s reading a book where it’s mentioned and it’s not a known term in Croatia. There’s an abundance of interesting topics unrelated to the pandemic. For some inspiration, check out this random question generator.

5. Stock up on groceries and of course, toilet paper 🙃

This is good advice for everyone, especially those of us who live by ourselves with no family, friends, or friendly neighbours around who can step in to buy our groceries if we’re knocked out in bed. I’m not advising anyone to empty the store shelves as if they’re preparing for an apocalypse or buy out all the toilet paper, however, it’s smart to think ahead and have at least a week’s long stack of food, toiletries, and medicine in case you’re not able to leave the house at all due to illness, and there’s no one to bring it directly to you.

6. (Re)activate your online dating profile

Even if you’re not a fan of online dating and don’t have serious intentions about meeting the love of your life during a pandemic, it helps to be reminded that there are other single humans out there. Who knows, you might learn something new by talking to a stranger, make a new cool connection, or even meet your next partner!

7. Ensure you have some sort of health coverage

This one feels like a given to some, however, there are countries where universal healthcare isn’t a thing. If you’re not sure about the extent or existence of your health coverage as a foreign national, this is a good time to look into it and make sure that you’re covered in case you need to use any of the host country’s medical services.

8. Take time to reflect on your expat living situation

It’s possible that you’re so caught up in the day-to-day hustle that you don’t notice your emotions that result from your living situation. Provided that you have at least a little bit more time on your hands now that you can’t commute and travel anywhere, take time to notice how you actually feel about living where you live. And based on what comes up, reflect on your life choices.

For me, this situation has made me re-examine my priorities. In that process I learned that I want to be closer to my parents. So in the next few years, I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m back in Europe and not across the Atlantic.

However you’re spending your days during this time, I hope that this guide has given you some ideas on how to make it through a pandemic as a single expat with a bit more ease. If you have other ideas, please share them! And if you need support during this time, don’t hesitate to get in touch with me.